South Africa 20: The Recepticon!

Yes, yes, of course I mean the reception. It's just funny to me to twist the word around so it sounds like a Transformer. Leave me alone.

The reception took place at this lovely place called... wait for it... the Blue Lagoon. Nice. It was fun. And beautiful!

So pretty table setting. I've been reading the last book in the Dark Tower cycle, so these plates look like nothing so much as orizas. If you get that, good; if not, don't worry, it's just Adam's bit of nerdery for the day. Anyway, all the tables were named after virtues, like Faith and Love and Kindness and stuff. Our table. Oh, yeah, our table was....

Patience.
Rock. I was singing Guns 'n' Roses all night long. So lucky table name.
Oh, yeah. Michael and Lisa are in the picture, too. Michael is having more fun than Lisa.

This was a sweet one. I took a picture just as the professional photographer was taking one, so I got the big blast of light from his sun guns.

Well, that's it, then. The wedding was over, the reception was done, and how many pictures did I get? Oh, well, I was busy with speeches and Captain Morgan Dark.

Next! We go ACROSS SOUTH AFRICA! TO CAPETOWN! AND DESTINY!

South Africa 19: Mawage!

Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam...

But seriously, I almost perished from the heat in that church.

And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva... so tweasure your wuv.

Here we all are for the signing of the register. Devon's crowd is on the left, and Maryke's is on the right.

We went up to this beachy bit afterwards to take pictures, like this cute-ass one.
Mawage. mawage is what bwings... oh, shit, I already made that joke.

We're such a cute couple. Shoulda been me, man. Shoulda been me. 

South Africa 18: 1, 2...

1: This is the Shark Information Board. Check here for Information on Sharks. Wish somebody had shown me this BEFORE I had gotten into the Indian Ocean. Jeez, b'ys. I _likes_ my legs, you know.

2: Mmm. Breakfast. Can't get married on an empty stomach. That's what I always say right before I get married. It's sort of one of my trademark catchphrases, like "Walloping Webslingers!" or "'Nuff Said!" or "Yo, Joe!" 

South Africa 17: So Beautiful Beach

Me and Lisa and Devon. Our shadow forms rose up against us, but we were able to defeat them. Well, Devon and I defeated ours, but, sadly, Lisa's got the better of her and slew her. Then ShadowLisa stripped the skin from her fallen doppleganger and woke it in a freakish attempt to become human. She's actually quite nice, once you get to know her, so it all worked out in the end. Barely anybody even noticed...

Devon and ShadowLisa had a race to the top of the sand dune. I prudently abstained, thus guaranteeing that I would not lose.

So pretty beach.

So pretty sand. I think I'll become a photographer. Or a writer. Hey, as long as I'm taking pictures this AWESOME and writing such deep and witty captions as "So pretty sand", I might as well segue it into a career. 

South Africa 16: The Morning

Well, we got up on the morning of the wedding, and Lisa and I went with Devon for his Last Walk as a Bachelor. We went down to the beach at Bonza Bay, a five minute drive from his place. And a five minute walk from his parents'. Some hard old life, b'y.

There were people flying kites, and a shitload of little ninja kids doing karate on each other. But did I take a bloody picture of the ninja kids? Nooooooo. What's wrong with me? My mind was clearly muddled by...uh.... the sand.


Yay! Now I've pee... I mean, been in three oceans! This is the Indian one. Arctic, here I come! 

South Africa 15: All hail.

All drop and worship Horrible the chicken. This is the only picture I got with me and his Chickenness. That stupid duck got in the way. We killed it and arranged its bones in occult symbols. Horrible and I. Lisa, Michael and Devon stood nearby, transfixed with horror.

Then Michael and Lisa jumped on the tramampoline. Trabampoline.

There was an alli.... croc.... big lizard when we were leaving .

And Horrible the chicken came out to say goodbye to us. He seriously walked along with us. Him and a bunch of ducks (whom I can only assume were his brainwashed and devoted acolytes). Really. It was cool.

Well, thus ends my fantastic romp with the animals in East London.

Next: the wedding! Yay! 

South Africa 14: Almost done with the animals.

They call this bunny 'Daywalker.' He messes the vampire bunnies up.

There were cheetahs, too. But they were too far away to get a really good picutre of. Well, this one came out nice.

This is the picture that meade me think about Dr. Doolittle.

There were big lions here, too. But they were lazy. Now I see where the cubs get it. Bad parenting. 

South Africa 13

If I'm not careful, you're going to start thinking South Africa is full of animals...
Like this strikingly life-like animatronic giraffe head. Michael was operating it just off-camera.

Then Devon got a turn to play with it.

I was only joking. It was a real giraffe head, attached to a whole giraffe body. Here we see him trying to climb over the fence. You can't see the missus on the left, walking towards him with some bread. He was trying to hop the fence to get some bread. But missus brought it to him. Him and the deer thing at the bottom.

The ostrich was pissed because he didn't get any bread. 

South Africa 12: Lion Cubs

So I was like, "How 'bout a hug?" But he was all like, "What do you think I am, some sort of hug slut?" Man, that hurt.

Then he assaulted Lisa's purse. He got hold of one of her sandals, too.

Devon started making pointing at them. Then they viciously mauled him. Oh, how we laughed.

These ones were less cute. (They're lying in the shade of the tree.) I forget how old they were, but we weren't allowed to play with them because they attacked someone a while ago. Note rotting chunk of flesh on the left. Yummers! 

South Africa 11: Baby Lions.

Lion cubs, seriously. Lisa was ascairt of them at first, but then she calmed down and played with them. They had big-ass claws, though. I got into a tug-o'-war with one of them using my camera case strap. Little frigger.

They were awfully lazy, though.Until Devon mounted one, that was. That put a good scare into them, I tell you what.

I has some fun with baby lions. I had a nice poo, too. No sir, nothing like a good bowel movement.

See? I touched it and everything. So either the Loratidine (or whatever the allergy drug was) worked really well, or I'm just not allergic to lions. The second option is better. Now I just need to steal one, raise it as my own, teach it English, dye it green and get some red armor for it. And work out a lot. And dye my hair blond. And get a sword. And a castle. And get Lisa to dress up like Teela. And get one of those vehicles, you know, the one that had a dragon head and walked? It was called a Dragon Walker. Look: http://www.midlandmemorabilia.co.uk/IMAGES/dragon%20walker.JPG
Okay, I'm officially weirding myself out now.
Anyway, see the other two? They were conked out like that the whole friggin' time. 

South Africa 10: Horrible.

This is Horrible. Not the adjective, the chicken. This is Horrible the chicken. What a horrible-looking little monster he is. I actually screamed when I first saw him. Not like, "AHH!", either. I mean, like, a high-pitched, sustained wail of horror. Like in a movie when the girl finds a dead body. I even did the thing where I put my fists up on either side of my mouth. THAT kind of scream. I sobbed for a few minutes while Michael held me. Devon offered to burn it and salt the earth where it stood, but Lisa talked me out of it. Eventually I fell in love with Horrible. Now I love him. I love him so much of my own free will and am in no way being controlled by invisible tendrils of hatred which snake from his black soul around half the planet, twitching my muscles and mind like the strings of a nightmare marionette constructed from the bones of babies.
Ahem.
Horrible the chicken is my hero.
And if he is not your hero, then you have never really had a hero before.

Peacocks. Or Guinea fowl. Whatever. They're not Horrible the chicken, so they are but bit players on the grand stage of life.

Bunnies. Cute little bunnies. They were cute and little and bunnies, and they hopped gaily to and fro. But they had to stay in the shade. One hopped into the light.
One word:
Bunnicula.
Is it hot in here, OR DID I JUST TOTALLY BLOW YOUR MIND?!?


I'm a tease. These are the baby lions I was ranting about earlier. They were pretty cute, too. I was scared to death, not that they were going to hurt me, just that I was going to start sneezing and never ever ever stop. But I took some drugs, and everything was fine.
Yup, nothing helps me relax like a good dose of mescaline. Yes, sir.